Let's Torture Cancer!


Think of the biggest asshole you know. Now think about that asshole killing a whole bunch of innocent people. You’d want to kick the shit out of that guy, right? Maybe you’re not big on torture. But then you think - fuck it, this guy deserves it. So now waterboarding is cool. Bamboo under the fingernails? Great. Taser to the nuts? Sure. Draw and quarter? Find some horses. Everything’s on the table.

I’m here to say that CANCER is the biggest asshole I know. It’s affected my family, and many of my friends. And it killed one of my best friends. So fuck you, cancer.

Our New York marathon team - 14 family and friends - has raised over $18,000 so far. The marathon’s 85 days away. For every dollar you contribute, we’ll cut off one of cancer’s fingers (cancer’s got a lot of fingers). Ever wanted to cut off some dickhead’s finger? Now you can. We’ll even send you the finger, along with a 100% tax deductible receipt. How about that for a return on your investment? A bloody finger, and less taxes. America’s a pretty great place.

The 14 of us - along with the rest of the LIVESTRONG army - are training our balls off. And in 85 days, we’re going to each run 26.2 miles - IN A ROW. And when you contribute $50, we run faster. And harder. And it hurts more.

So, again, let’s calculate. Donate today and you get:
1. A finger
2. A tax deductible receipt
3. The pleasure of knowing every time you click “donate”, I’m sobbing in an ice bath somewhere.

So let’s torture cancer, friends. Let’s cut this bitch. Let’s make a massive dent in the fight against one of the worst diseases the world’s ever seen.

Donate today. Make a difference. Join our crusade.


As ever, Strong Like Bull.